STRESS!

I'm so stressed about money! This has been such a difficult year for us, and I think we're both going to need to pick up extra hours at odd jobs to make ends meet for the rest of the year.

Any suggestions? Should I sell my eggs? Sell pies? C'mon, creative readers - any ideas for me?

180

Give more, to get more? I take that back. (For now. Just for this rant. Really.)

I have learned today that a business to whom I have been consistently referring new business has taken on a relationship with my competitor, and pulled potential business away from me and my firm.

I'm not a cut-throat business person. I believe in honesty and integrity. I believe in positive partnerships. I think I have learned a valuable lesson today, but I'm not sure how to articulate it. Basically, I was giving and giving and giving...much more than I was ever going to receive.

It's not personal, it's business. Right? Somehow, this realization still hurts in a very personal way. And, I'm going to have to mourn the loss of a relationship that I had valued more than it was ever worth.

Anyone have a business-smart karma book to suggest? :-)

I don't have much on the tip of my "pen" today. Here is a list of mildly interesting occurences from the past 24 hours:

1) Dan's car did NOT need a new wheel bearing, which is a good thing. Wheel bearings are expensive. It DID, though, need some new lug nuts. I thoroughly approve of the phrase "lug nuts." It's quite nice to say. Lug. Nuts. Go ahead, try it.

2) Vi slept fairly well last night, only getting up once. I have no idea why.

3) I slept fairly well last night, although Riley was hogging the blankets.

4) I saw two foxes! Last night, I went to Friendly's for what is becoming a regular ice cream date with my friend Adrianne. After gabbing longer than the allowable booth-rental period, she drove me home and we continued to gab in the car, parked in front of my house. (Very good gab session.) I saw what I thought were two cats trotting down the street, so I excitedly said, "Ooh! Cats!" (I state the obvious with exuberance.) One walked by the car, and Adrianne turned on her headlights to see the second one. It was then that we thought - huh. That's either a tall cat or a short dog, and soon realized that it was a fox. The headlights stunned the poor critter, and after a moment's pause, he walked up my driveway, across my doorstep, through my yard, down my neighbors' driveway, then ran down the street to the Pekinese-owning Republicans' house. (They are new renters who are never home, so we don't know them...but I've seen their dog and their McCain sign, so we just refer to them as The Republicans.) People tell me that seeing a fox - or maybe having one cross your path? - is good luck. I'm happily anticipating my good fortune.

5) Vi had OMM this morning at the University of New England; she's participating in their free clinic, which allows students to practice and learn and allows patients free treatment. She did really well, and the teaching doctor explained that there is some compression in her skull and around her sacrum. They're going to hang her upside-down next week to help relieve it. Sounds fun to me! I know hanging upside-down in yoga always helps with my musculo-skeletal issues.

This is the final week of corporate-crunch, race to the finish, hurry up and finish up 2008 books for my clients. It's pretty crazy in my office - lots to do. Therefore, I am now signing off.

Have a great Tuesday!

P.S. My mother is back from Ohio. I'll post some of her funny stories from when my poor grandmother was on pain killers... I think we're all laughing about it, now.

First day of day care

Vi had her first day of day care last Wednesday, and she loved it. Her teacher sent us this picture:
On her daily report (the piece of paper which tells us if she ate, pooped, slept, or learned anything new each day), it said "Vi had fun Playing with Cassy (the dog)."

This isn't going to be so hard, after all. Now I know the hard part will be the separation...for ME. I am going to miss so much of her development; I'll have to find a way to deal with the incongruity between my ideals as a mother, a feminist, and someone who can't afford to not work.

Once again, a timely read

My sister sent me the following blog post waaaay back in October 2007. Remember October 2007? I had been back to work for about a month, was starting to struggle with work/home balance, trying to figure out child care, and feeling so alone and helpless.

http://www.underconsideration.com/speakup/archives/004007.html

It's funny to read this again, now. So much has changed, yet not much is different. I still struggle for balance. Child care has been an ongoing issue - emotionally, logistically, financially. I feel like a crazy person when I argue it out in my head - I want to be home with Vi, I can't afford to be home with Vi, I have to work, I love my work, I miss Vi, I can't afford quality child care unless I work, I only need quality child care if I work...and so on. Like an insane carousel of emotions and problems and hopes and fears that just doesn't stop.

We've been in a decent pattern for a couple of months now, with a great nanny, a great grammy, and Dan's off-season schedule loosening up a bit. Just this past week, we have found a day care center that I really like. The people are so friendly and qualified, the location is convenient, the price is right... I'll be able to work more...

I should be thrilled, right? I just keep telling myself that it's time. Vi is ready. She is dying for more interaction, more education, more stimulation, more consistency. (Of course I'm hoping the consistency will help the night waking!) I'm ready for more consistency, more balance. Dan is ready for a less crazy wife. (We'll see.)

I guess that sums it up. We'll see.

I'll keep you posted.

What a day! (And not in a good way)

Poor Baby Vi has been sick all week. We thought she was getting a little fever on Sunday night due to teething, but it kept going up and up. She hasn't wanted to eat, she's had weird diapers (and we'll just leave it at that), and she's been pale, shy and anti-social. Even people who rarely see her said she must not be feeling well, just by the looks of her.

(By the way - I'm feeling a bit exhausted, which you'll understand by the end of this post, so I'm not going to worry about grammar so much. There will be paragraphs that just run on and on...oh, well. Read another blog if it bothers you.)

I decided today, when she wouldn't really let me take her temperature in her ear, to get her in to see the doctor. Her usual doctor is on vacation, so I accepted an appointment with the NP on staff. I tend to like Nurse Practicioners quite a bit, and this one turned out to be great. (Karen Weiss, UHC for Kids. Hurray, Karen!) What I didn't expect was a student to be shadowing her, which meant that Vi had to have everything done twice. I('m usually open to meeting with a student, but by the end of round two, I'm a little frustrated that I've had to repeat myself. Sometimes I get a bit paranoid, like the student DID tell the teacher everything, but the teacher is trying to catch me with an inconsistency. "Psycho-somatic! I'm giving you some Prozac!" I imagine them yelling at me. But that's just crazy old me...) In any case, the student was great, just a little hesitant with Vi, but very nice. They ruled out everything but a urinary tract infection, so we decided to get a urine sample! No, I didn't have to chase her around with a cup trying to catch pee. They have these little plastic bags that look just like vacuum bags - you know how vacuum bags have the hose-attachment hole, with the cardboard around it? It looked just like that, but with a u-shaped sponge around the hole, and weak, band-aid-like adhesive on the outside to stick onto her Va-jay-jay, as my Aunt Raylene would say. So, we stuck it on and waited for her to fill it. And waited. And waited.

She didn't "void" while at the doctor's office, so we came home, hoping she'd sleep a bit, as she'd been refusing a nap all day. She fell asleep on the way home, then woke up the second we walked through the door. Grammy was there, so Vi wanted to get up and be cute and giggle and act like she was well for a few moments, before collapsing into a sweaty, fussy mess. She finally peed around 12:30, then fell asleep for an hour or so. Grammy hung out with her while I took the sample to the lab, and ran an errand for work.

(Oh, yeah. Work! Right. I work for a living. I had, oh, seven or eight very important things to do today, some of which involve a marketing event I'm coordinating for Friday. Day-after-tomorrow Friday. Picking up collateral from two different printers. Dropping of freebie-logo items at the event site, introducing myself to the host and surveying the site, etc. Plus it's payroll tax week - quarterlies and monthlies due at the same time. Sales tax week - all due Tuesday. Year-end for two clients. And those are only the out-of-the-ordinary tasks for this week!)

I got to the lab with the sample, and no paperwork. I had to wait at the lab for the pediatrician to fax the labwork request, then rush to the event site to meet with the host.

Did you notice that I used the word rush? What do you think happened next? What could make this day even more awesome?

That's right. I got pulled over for speeding. I haven't been pulled over in 11 years!! Between my squeaky-clean driving record and the fact that noone dares screw with a Mama whose baby is sick, I got off with just a warning.

After all was done, errands and tasks delegated to my WONDERFUL CO-WORKERS Mark and Diana, Vi and I came home and I tried to get her down for a nap. Just as she was drifting off to sleep, Dan came through the front door and said "I got tired of so I came home." Sick baby. Sick husband.

I skipped a part about both print jobs getting screwed up, and the host of the event not even being available to meet with me.

It's 82 degrees Farenheit inside my house, my brain is melting, and needless to say it doesn't smell good in here.

So, how was YOUR day? If you thought it was a bad one, just think of me and feel a bit better. There's always someone who had a worse day, isn't there?

2008 so far

This year can only get better.

New Year's Eve - in bed with The Cold
January 3rd - in bed with Bronchitis
January 6th - my mother had a heart attack, and was in Maine Med until the 11th
January 12th - Vi got her first cold

And now, suddenly, January is over next week (which means Vi will be 6 months old!!!), so for a member of the bookkeeping and accounting world, I'm screwed due to all the lost time I've had this month, my loss of my Friday child care, and the annoying little fact that there are only 24 hours in a day.

A few good things - Vi is enjoying experimenting with solid foods, she may very well cut a tooth this month, and her New! Colorful! Exersaucer! is so much fun.

We had a friend who used to say all the time to her little boy, "It's a good thing you're so cute." We thought it was a horrible thing to say at the time. Since Vi is my one true source of joy - I think I finally understand that friend. In my most difficult moments, I just look at her, and it's impossible not to smile.

Hi-ho, Hi-ho! It's back to work, I go!

So, yes, I returned to work last week, after the shortest 6 weeks of my life. No, it wasn't long enough, but no amount of time with Vi will ever be long enough. (Except when she's crying; I wish those moments were all more brief for her.) This is why I haven't really had time to post any new pictures. Here are a few my friend Kate took with her NEW! WONDERFUL! CAMERA! at Huston & Company yesterday: Mid-giggle.
She found her thumb! A lot of lip-smacking all over her hand/palm/fingers/fist to get there...every time she looks for it...but Ahh! The sweet relief of finding the thumb.

Showered by the people I love, with love

I am feeling so pleasantly overwhelmed by the love, kindness, thoughtfulness and generosity that has recently been bestowed upon me by my friends, family, and co-workers. My sister coordinated a Baby Shower for me, and my co-workers surprised me this week with another shower. A little bit about each:

My co-workers lured me to a "company fun day" last week, which turned out to be a surprise Baby Shower. I usually schedule and organize such events, so it's pretty amazing that I didn't suspect anything! We had some delicious food, including bruschetta, black bean quesadillas, chicken with a thai peanut sauce, cajun shrimp, and an amazing cake. This cake was three thin layers of chocolate cake, with raspberry preserves in between, frosted with a buttercream/raspberry puree frosting. It was a beautful, rich, and delicious cake! I donned a pre-pregnancy 2-piece tankini-style suit and stayed cool & weightless in the water.
We all sat outside by the pool in the sun, enjoying strawberry daiquiries (mine was virgin), food, and each other's company. How lucky am I that the entire company is so excited for me and Dan, so anxious to meet our baby, and so supportive?

My sister headed up a team of women to plan a fancy, yet perfectly simple shower for me two weeks ago. She recruited my friends Deborah, Kate, and Bonnie to manage decorations (a garland of photos of Dan & me as children, tea-party aprons for all to wear, amazing bouquets of flowers) and favors (individually packaged strawberry plants). She worked with our sister-in-law, Chefanie Stephanie to develop a menu (fruit kabobs with lemon curd, mini-cheesecakes, quiche, salad. My mother made truffles and chocolate-dipped strawberries. My mother-in-law hosted the shower in her big, sunny living room, with china and linens. My sister-in-law Jamie created a cake that looked like a bassinet.



And, my friends from All Over showed up for this event. From Virginia and Vermont, DC, Cape Cod, Rhode Island...truly, from All Over. I realized how many truly wonderful, amazing, funny, smart and caring women I have in my life, and I feel so blessed! I know the baby shower tradition in the US puts a lot of focus on gifts and games, but I really think the most important aspect for me was creating a true feeling of connectedness with other women. That feeling has struck me since the beginning of this pregnancy - that I'm sharing in something women have been "doing" for years, decades, centuries...since the beginning of humanity. And, what a powerful feeling that is. To have the opportunity to bring that down to a personal level, and know how connected I am to the women in my life, in my world, in my experience is something that will (I imagine) help me through the rest of this pregnancy and through labor.

Baby Vi's first pony

Last Thursday was my Last Thursday at Huston & Company. I worked there as the bookkeeper for three years - three great years. I became very, very close (and silly) with my office mate, and enjoyed the laid-back, positive-attitude, fun work environment thoroughly. This is one of those places - when you walk in, you know there's something joyful happening. I decided a few months ago, when offered a broader position with my other employer (one that would allow me to work from home some, qualify for Short-term Disability aka Paid Maternity Leave, and make it possible for us to avoid the expense of day care for several months), that the right decision for me and my family (my family!) was to leave my position with Huston, however tearful the departure would be.

So, Last Thursday I made my final 35-minute commute to beautiful Kennebunkport for my Last Thursday at Huston.

It was a beautiful, sunny, good-smelling Spring day in Maine. At lunchtime, we found ourselves - the entire company - sitting around the picnic table, some of us on benches, some leaning happily against the tree. I was presented with a pretty gift - smaller than a bread box, wrapped in white paper with a pretty orange ribbon - and a sweet "baby girl" card. I opened the gift, to discover it was a box of tissues.


This was very well-timed.


Suddenly, Bill has shown up next to me, carrying this:














This is a solid cherry, norwegian designed rocking horse, with wood inlays for the eyes and hand-sewn fuzzy ears.


Hand-made by every single person at Huston & Company.


For my baby.


Now, tell me you didn't just well up with tears!

CRAZIEST BUSIEST WEEK OF OUR LIVES...so far

Last week was so insane at work for both of us, so I didn't have time to post the 27 week update. Here it is:

How your baby's growing: Your baby is really starting to fill up your uterus. This week she weighs almost 2 pounds and is about 14.4 inches long with her legs extended. She can now open and close her eyes, and she sleeps and wakes at regular intervals. She may suck her fingers, and although her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with assistance — if she were to be born prematurely. Chalk up any rhythmic movement you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and isn't bothersome to her, so enjoy the tickle. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. Wonder what she's thinking?

18 week update!

I've realized that none of my links were working properly. Instead of trying to figure it out - for which I have NO patience right now - I'm just going to paste the text from the Babycenter email into each post. Like this:


18 weeks pregnant: Head to bottom, your baby is approximately 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a large sweet potato) and she weighs almost 7 ounces. She's busy flexing her arms and legs — movements that you'll likely start noticing more and more. Her blood vessels are visible through her thin skin, and her ears are now in position and stand out from her head. Myelin (a protective covering) is beginning to form around her nerves, a process that will continue for a year after she's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and Fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If your baby is a boy, his genitals are noticeable, though he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.

Changes with us: I'm ravenous - constantly. Pickles and ice cream are right up there on my list of favorite foods right now; it's not just a myth. I have had my belly patted twice, and I am told that I definitely look pregnant. The emotional roller coaster seems to have cooled down, only to be replaced by physical aches and pains. Why didn't anyone tell me how much it would hurt to be growing this much?!? I am, of course, worried that I am just a wimp and this doesn't actually hurt that badly, and that I will never survive the pain of labor. The ultrasound - the big one - is scheduled for March 12th. We STILL haven't decided if we want to find out the sex of the baby.

We'll be delivering at Mercy Hospital in Portland, and we had a tour of the Birthplace there yesterday. It is very much a hospital - duh, Lindsay - but this section has nicer curtains and some hot tubs. They have one tub for water births, an option we're considering. (If any of you have a good resource on the topic, please share it with me. ) It really looks like they have made an effort to make the delivering mom comfortable, so I will be perfectly happy to bring Critter into the world at this particular place. Dads beware, though: the chairs in the delivery rooms are plain, wooden chairs, and you have to wear a swimsuit if accompanying your wife in the tub. I know - who cares about the Dad's comfort?!? I certainly won't in the heat of the moment, but I got a sore rumpus just looking at those chairs.

We're both working a lot right now - Dan's district will be doing inventory for all of the stores next week, so he'll be on the road a lot helping out his fellow managers. I'm gearing up for my new consulting responsibilities at work with online training. We started a registry with Babies R Us, but gave out in a fit of exhaustion without really finishing it...I don't think what we accomplished is truly "starting" the registry. I think we managed to get a mattress and a thermometer on there...

My friend Bonnie will be here next week, so she and I will get to play/work on the nursery and registry some more.

We're still brainstorming a baby-moon to take this Spring. The one consistent piece of advice we receive from everyone is that we should take a trip together, just the two of us, before the baby comes. We hate the idea of spending any money, but we're going to make an effort to get away for a romantic weekend sometime in April.

Any cheap vacation ideas? Anyone win a vacation that they can't take? :-)

March is almost here, we're setting our clocks ahead soon, and the songbirds are out again. Hurray for Spring! I hope you are all well, and please stay in touch!

-Lindsay