I just wanted to take minute - while I have one - to actually WRITE on this thing. This blog started out as a way to communicate to my loved ones about this wonderful, amazing, huge thing that was happening to Dan and me - the beginning of our family. Lately, there have been fewer and fewer stories posted...mostly just lame captions for the pictures. And today, I feel the need to write, just for the sake of writing.
A few things are contributing to that. You might have noticed that the posting dropped off when Vi was born, then took another dive when I went back to work. I can't describe how busy I have been for the last three months...only those who have been through it can truly understand. It's not just working 30-plus hours a week. It's not just feeding, changing, swaddling, putting to sleep a miniature person. It's not just doing laundry, dishes, sanitizing bottles, sweeping up new-animal-sized furballs from the floor. It's not just trying to find some time to sit quietly with my husband to look at each other - really, truly look at each other in the eyes and remember how this all got started, let alone hear about each other's day. It's so much more than that. It's the most exhausting and rewarding experience I've ever had.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't actually DO all of those things I just listed! I think about them, though. I have always had a constant "To Do" list running through my head. Maybe it's some sort of anxiety disorder, maybe I'm just domestically ambitious. Who knows. Things that Must Be Done - dishes, laundry, grocery shopping - get done by Dan and/or me. Sometimes by both of us, but that's usually not a good scenario. It's less like teamwork than a battle of wits. And, since we are both quite sleep-deprived, our wits are in short supply lately.
What's my typical day like? Well, I feel like it starts at night, actually. When I finally climb in bed, the work begins. Vi is still up frequently at night (not an invitation for sleep-training advice, thank you very much), needing to eat. She'll usually sleep four hours for the first stretch, the first hour of which I most often spend getting ready for bed - brushing teeth, washing face, taking vitamins, loading the dishwasher. Then I get in bed and sleep for about 3 hours until I hear her stirring in the bassinet next to our bed.
Sidenote: This is the same bassinet I slept in as a baby. I think that' so cool.
She'll eat for about 20 minutes, without truly waking up. Back to the bassinet she goes, and I try to fall back asleep. This is usually 1 or 2 am. She'll be up again by 4 am, hungry. I'll feed her again (or elbow Dan until he gets up and gives her a bottle). She stirs around 5, then 6. I'll usually bring her into bed at this point, and just let her eat and sleep as she pleases, snuggled up next to me, side-lying. Now, I'm trying to sleep at this point, but it is impossible to get any real recuperative sleep with someone nibbling on your person, and mumbling the whole time. "Mmm, mmm, mmm," she says. Plus she looks so sweet all snuggled up in bed with me
Dan will usually get up and change her diaper at 6 or 6:30, leaving me in bed for a "power nap." Yes, I get three hours, then two hours, then 20 minutes of sleep a night right now. I had no idea how true sleep deprivation felt before. I used to get an annual bout of insomnia, every January, for about two weeks. That doesn't hold a candle to this. And if it did, I'd blow it out and yell, "Can't you see we're trying to sleep here!!! LIGHTS OUT!!!"
Morning is tag-team with the babe. Between the two of us, the animals get fed and let out, breakfast and coffee gets made (decaf for me), we both get a shower (on my public days...on my work-at-home days I might smell a bit, but my office-mate doesn't seem to mind), our bags get packed (I look like a pack animal most days - laptop, lunch bag, briefcase, breast pump), Vi gets fed again, another diaper change, and out the door for one of us.
We're very fortunate that our work schedules allow the last part of that run-on sentence: "one of us." Vi is either with me, Dan, or Grammy every day. I work 20 hours in-office (MWF), 10 hours at home (T, TH). Dan has Mondays off, so I work a long day. Wednesdays we each work a half day and literally tag-team. When I get home at 1, Vi needs to eat, Dan has made me lunch, we do the "when did she last poop-pee-eat-sleep" run-down, then tag, I'm it...wait, don't forget to kiss me good-bye. We do try to not forget that step; it's an important one. Fridays Grammy comes to the house and works from our kitchen table while taking care of Vi.
How cool is that? I wish I had the chance to hang out with my grandmother every week. I got to talk to my paternal grandmother at least once a week, which was so nice. I'll put some stories about her up eventually. After all, Vi is her namesake. (That's right - Vi is named after her, therefore Vi is my grandmother's namesake. It's not backwards. Look it up.)
On my three in-office days, I drive to work, listening to music, singing along, usually in a hurry because it took longer than expected to get out of the house. I get the mail, then head into the office to work as a bookkeeper-marketing director-technical consultant. I really enjoy what I do, especially the bookkeeping piece. It's a nice, small company, and I like the people with whom I work. Still, it's hard to leave Vi to go there. I can't imagine how hard it is for women who hate their jobs to leave their children in child-care. I'm very fortunate to have the ability to work from home some, to have Vi with family the rest of the time.
On my at-home days, I work about 5 or 6 hours over a 7-hour stretch, breaking to take care of Vi. We usually have a doctor's appointment or somewhere to be in the afternoon, and if we don't we'll take a nice long walk together after I'm all done with work. IT IS DELIGHTFUL. My breaks aren't interruptions of my work, they are welcome moments of time spent, just my daughter and me.
Well, she's waking up, in need of some Mama time, and I've probably bored you enough. Just know that I would love to be telling you all of her funny stories, all of the cool things she's doing every day. I'll try to find more time to do that in the future! I hope I can, because she is very sweet and funny and ever-changing.
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1 comment:
...and don't forget beautiful, gurgling, smiley and cute cute cute.
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