I'm trying to be brave with this entry. Any "yes on 1" supporters will not like it. Anyone who doesn't want to hear me bear my soul or read about my past- skip it. Posting this, along with my wimpy disclaimer, is as brave as I feel I can be today.
Yesterday, I awoke to the sad news that the Marriage Equality Act had been repealed by the people's veto in Maine.
Repealed. Revoked. Rejected.
I still feel like I need a good cry over it - I've been on the verge several times in the middle of appointments with prospective clients. Sometimes I feel like a real wimp for not just going with the feeling, inconvenient or not. But...losing an opportunity for work while crying in front of a stranger doesn't do much for the cause or for my company. Be reasonable, I tell myself.
I know we've come so far since Stonewall.
I know we've come even further in the last 12 years. I remember counting signatures, hoping to find duplicates or fraudulent entries on the petition to repeal the anti-discrimination law that led to a February election day in 1997. Here's an article about that effort:
http://www.qrd.org/qrd/www/usa/maine/ap-2.9.98.html
And, I remember feeling doomed and alone and disappointed on that February 11th. That winter was a strange one in my life...I had just moved out on my own, my grandmother passed away, and I broke off relations with most of my dearest, oldest friends. I had just broken up with a wonderful woman - yes, woman. I know now that it couldn't have lasted, but at the time I was looking forward to the day that gay marriage was legalized, and I couldn't see celebrating that day any other way than dancing barefoot on a beach in Maine with my bride. Silly girl, I was. But ,I have no regrets.
Today, I am married to a wonderful man, and we have a beautiful daughter. Besides driving around with a No on 1 bumper sticker, and posting comments on Facebook, I did nothing to support this campaign. Nothing. Not even a single evening of phonebanking. THAT, I regret. Denying my past with a "don't ask, don't tell" mentality, I regret.
I'll always know that I could have done more, and I am hopeful that I will find the courage to MAKE TIME to help as this fight continues.
For now, my biggest contribution is raising the next generation. I know that Vi will see same-sex marriage as nothing new, nothing odd, just...part of our belief in equality and civil rights.
I will teach her to hope, if only to remind myself that we must never give up.
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My friend sent me this link:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/11/5/800802/-Another-Wedding-Ring
These words...they feel so familiar, like they were ripped from my heart.
In August of 1995 I met my first college roommate on our first day at UVM. She would become one of my dearest friends. I considered myself an ally and when she told me she was bisexual, that was a-ok with me. I never had a queer close friend come out to me before, and I was honored. Little did I realize at the time that about 1.5 years later I would kiss a girl for the first time and my life would finally click into place. Sometimes just being who you are, being honest with yourself and others, allows others to be comfortable with who they are. A mom, a wife, an accountant, a Mainer who lives in suburbia and puts a bumper sticker on her car and tells all her Facebook friends to VOTE NO ON 1 is being an awesome advocate. Who knows how many other people you have inspired by just being you? If you hadn't been so comfortable in your own skin and able to tell me your story in our dorm room, maybe I wouldn't have been so inspired to fight for and help win marriage equality in Vermont? Don't underestimate the power of your own voice! Keep up the good fight, my friend. Even if what you are able to do is to post to Facebook and put a bumper sticker on your car and tell your story and support your friends who don't have full equality. I, for one, appreciate what you have done and what you continue to do.
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